Alright...There have been things on my mind for a while that I need to say.The first one is that you may not want to read this, becuase it will greatly alter your perception of me...

As far as music goes...I've hit a wall, both in class and in general. My song is dead, and the word that I wish to say are gone. Poetic? Pathetic. If Danny Irwin is reading this, I don't hate or even dislike you. That doesn't mean i like you. I don't. You are a super musicain and actor, but you include me in nothing you do. Why? I really am no threat to you as far as status goes. Give me something to work with...I need opportunities that you take while you have plenty already. If you are going to try out for everything, there is no point in me being in choir anymore. I have no value there. Yeah, that is just wonderful, isn't it? One of two things that I am passionate about has been basically taken from me. Joy. *sarcasm*. And no, I'm not going to tell what the other one is.

Danny, if you are reading this, I would rather be friendly rivals than have this. Please comment.

Moving on...I've started to wonder if this blog is actually read by anyone. I doubt it. this is seeming more and more like a fool's pipe dream. No one cares. Period. The co-author thing will never happen becuase she doesn't care. I swear if I were to take my own life, my friends would be sad for approximatly 5 minutes and then move on. Doesn't that strike anyone as being the least bit fucked up? If you read this blog, please comment saying something like "I read your blog." but my guess is that when I check there will be about 0 comments here. Wow, my life is pointless.

My creativity is flowing, but not where i want it to. I need to fucking change my life. All I think about all day is of how badly my life sucks and how much it will suck when i go home and on and on. Yeah, my writing? the story ideas are great but the never make it to paper. A sample will be posted next.

i hate my life. I have absolutly no one and nothing. If i had even a slim hope i could hang on, but nope, none for me. I live for my dog and my friends, and my 'friends' don't seem to care about me. My life is like a fucking sick joke of God's.

Who cares about me? No one. I have no love life and probably never will. Girls see me as a friend. That sucks. But you know what hurts the worst? i put myself out there, take risks, and you know what happens? I lose, no matter what i do. Its like playing Russian roulette witha fully loaded automatic. I try and contribute and I'm deemed worthless. If i withdraw and become antisocial, I get that label too.I'm screwed.

I threw up tonight becuase my mom made me eat some nasty-ass potato salad becuase i left it on my plate. Far from being apologetic, she soon centers the focus of the night on how badly I'm fucked at school becuase i didn't take health. When I go to my room, close the door and tell her to not bother me, she comes in anyway (my door has no knob) and procedes to guilt trip me out of me free time. I feel like i'm stuck in Alice in Wonderland! I'm going to go fucking insane!

i hate my life.